When I'm Dead
by Ada15
Summary: AU of the season finale. Bonnie finds out first. She's not sure what to do with it. Eventual Bonnie/Damon.
1. Chapter 1

I absolutely love this show. Great actors, villains, plots and action. I don't, however, love the idea of Damon and Elena getting together. I like them both but I just don't think they'd be very good for each other. I do like the idea of Bonnie/Damon however.

This is just a prologue so it is kind of short. This story takes ;place during As I Lay Dying.

I don't own The Vampire Diaries

Bonnie let out a sigh when she made it into Stefan and Damon's house. She shouldn't have come but she hated knowing that everything that had happened, that Jenna's death, had been for nothing…that they'd failed in everything but keeping Elena alive.

Walking into the parlor, she stopped at the door when she spotted Damon sitting not far from the fireplace. At first, she considered turning and walking in the other direction. She and Damon may have managed to be civil to one another as of late but that definitely did not make them friends.

She stopped, however and a frown formed on her face. The fire was blazing high and if Damon were sitting any closer to it something would definitely be scorched on him. The room was almost sweltering hot.

Also, she had been standing in the entrance of the room for the past several minutes and he still hadn't acknowledged her presence.

Against her better judgment, against that voice in the back of her mind that was always screaming at her that she should have killed Damon Salvatore a year ago, she walked deeper into the room. Stopping a few feet from him, she watched him a moment, wondering what had happened to send him into this spiral and who was going to lose their life because of it.

She hadn't been truly afraid of Damon in a while, not since she had gotten better with her powers but even she could admit that Damon could be frightening if only because of how unpredictable he was when he was hurt himself. Still, she had never backed down from him. She guessed it wasn't in her nature to do so. She was far from helpless. The look on Damon's face told her that perhaps she did need to be cautious.

"Come to judge me for my mistakes?" He finally spoke up, although he didn't look at her. Instead he took a drink from the glass that she hadn't noticed in his hand before and continued staring into the flames like he was trying to figure something out. She had never seen him in such a mood. She truthfully had never cared to. She knew the distruction he could cause in the name of his own pain.

"What are you doing?"

Damon ignored her words but not her. He finished off the last of his drink and stood in one smooth motion. When he turned to look at her, there was something in his eyes she had never seen before. He twisted his ring on his finger for a moment and shrugged, muttered something that sounded like '_you'll do.'_

"Can we just get to the point?" He asked, setting the glass down and taking a step closer to her.

"The point?" Bonnie was thrown off by his tone, by the look on his face, by the words. This was something different than pain from a rejection, which was what she had been thinking...that maybe he had gone after Elena again and she'd turned him down...again. The look in his eyes, though, it wasn't that sort of pain.

"Why you're here," he said, like it was obvious. "You are here to make good on those threats to kill me, right?"

"I…" Bonnie shook her head. There was an expectant look in his eyes now, like he was waiting for her to make good on those promises. "I said if you-"

"Killed anyone. How about causing someone's death? I'm sure you blame me for Jenna's death."

Bonnie frowned. "Why would I think that?" She blamed nobody but Klaus and Katherine for that and even though she did have the tendency to look in Damon's direction whenever something bad happened, she saw no reason to blame him for this one.

She saw surprise flicker briefly in his eyes at the lack of blame from her but he seemed to shake it off pretty fast.

"That not enough? You remember that girl that went missing not long ago? The red head named Jessica?"

A feeling of trepidation welling up inside of her, Bonnie nodded. "Yes."

"Well, I waited for her out on the road…just like I used to. I stopped her, used compulsion on her and then I killed her." He took another step closer.

Bonnie was shocked silent by this admission, and she finally recognized the look in his eyes. He was close, almost in her personal space, asking her for something she never thought he would. He wanted her to kill him. The expectant look in his eyes...it was for that. He wanted it.

"Why are you trying to get me to kill you?" She asked finally, quietly. There was no anger in her voice, only confusion.

He took a step back at the question, rolled his eyes and picked up the bottle of bourbon he'd left sitting on the table. "If you're not going to follow through, you can go." He waved her away with a look of disdain on his face.

"Damon…" Her curiosity at the strangeness of this situation got the better of her and she reached out to grab him before he could walk away from her. Her fingers brushed the skin of his wrist and a gasp escaped her lips. First, at how cold his skin was, and second at what she felt and saw from that one little touch.

"What happened to you?" She asked before she could stop herself. Reaching out, she grabbed his other arm and pulled up the sleeve of his black shirt. He didn't fight her on it and she caught the look of resignation on his face.

His forearm was a mess of colors. Red and blue bruises snaked out from the center like veins and it seemed to be spreading as she watched it.

"You…" She shook her head and released his arm as she processed this bit of information.

"Werewolf bite," he offered, pulling his sleeve back down.

"You're dying." It was a statement, not a question. She knew, just like all of them, what a werewolf bite did to a vampire. Her frown deepened at the thought, at her own words as several mixed emotions welled in her. That little voice was back again, yelling in triumph.

"Be happy, judgy," Damon said, bringing her out of her thoughts. "You're finally getting what you want. I'll be dead in a couple of days."

Damon toasted her with the bottle and turned to walk towards the stairs, leaving her in the parlor by herself with her warring emotions.


	2. Chapter 2

Bonnie dropped back on the Salvatore's couch, a sigh escaped her and she hardly noticed the heat of the room. When had her life gotten so complicated? She should just walk out of the house and never look back.

"Bonnie?" Stefan drew her attention and she glanced over to see him standing in the doorway. He walked into the room with a frown on his face.

She glanced over. "Hey, Stefan." She sat up.

"Why is it so hot in there?"

Bonnie hesitated, unsure of whether or not Damon had told Stefan about his new problem. "Don't know. I just got here." She stood and started out of the room. "Ask your brother."

"Bonnie," he called before she got out of the room. She stopped short. "There's actually something I need your help with." Bonnie turned to face him and just knew, before he said anything, what he was going to ask her. "It's about Damon."

Xxxxxxxxx

Damon made a fist, staring down at the werewolf bite after leaving Bonnie in the parlor. The witch had surprised him. He figured she'd jump at the chance to end him. She had tried before, after all. Then again, maybe it was because he actually wanted her to this time. He was sure that she was against anything that he wanted.

As dying went, he figured that what the witch came up with wouldn't be nearly as painful or as drawn out as waiting for the werewolf bite to kill him.

The cold that had set into his bones and made it impossible for him to get warm had finally abated but he knew that was just the start. At least he hadn't started hallucinating yet. He wouldn't either.

He had already made a decision. If the witch wouldn't do it, he'd do it himself.

Xxxxxxxxx

Bonnie pushed the grimoir away from herself and let out a frustrated little breath. She rested her head in her hands. She couldn't just leave this alone. Unfortunately, it wasn't an option, especially after Stefan had asked her.

Another part of her reminded her that Damon had been willing to die to save Elena's life and he had gotten bitten saving Caroline's. And that Elena and Stefan would both be devastated if Damon did die. For whatever reason, Elena did care for him.

She could only see one way to save him, however and she did _not _want to do it. She was so very sure that it would turn out to be a disaster for everyone.

She was frustrated with herself and her own inability to let Damon Salvatore die. Stefan's eyes had been pleading and she was glad Elena didn't know about it because she was sure she would have been double teamed.

Elena was already dealing with a lot. The last thing Bonnie wanted to do was add to her pain.

Xxxxxxxxx

Bonnie marched into the Salvatore's the next day, a determined look on her face. She once again found him in the parlor, this time standing in front of the window with the curtains open and his back turned to her. She stopped short at the sight of him and just _knew. _

"You had better not be thinking about wasting my sleepless night trying to find a way to save your ass," Bonnie called to him. She walked deeper into the room and crossed her arms when he turned to her.

"You've been trying to save me?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "Aw, judgy…you do care."

Bonnie scowled. "I didn't do it for you."

"Stefan, huh?" He asked, his gaze piercing hers. "My brother sent you here to save my _ass." _He made his way over to the liquor again.

"He wants to help you." _Who knows why._

"He's doing what he always does. Trying to right the wrongs of the past." He stumbled on his way back to the couch and Bonnie almost went to catch him, the instinct to do so strong but she stopped herself. He shook his head after a moment and dropped down on the couch.

Bonnie sat across from him. "Don't sound so ungrateful, Damon. I don't want to have to do this."

"Then don't," he said simply, taking a drink.

"You might want to be nice to me. I'm still trying to figure out whether or not I should risk myself for you."

"Risk yourself?" Damon asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I could only find one way that might work and there are…consequences to this type of spell," she admitted with a grimace. When Bonnie met his gaze, she could see that she had surprised him again and for one of the first times, his expression turned serious.

"Then why do it? You hate me…why risk yourself for me?" His tone was genuinely curious with, just for that moment, no trace of his usual sarcasm or anger.

"Don't go flattering yourself, Damon. Like I said, I'm not doing this for you." Her words were flat and she was angry, not so much at him but at herself. "Besides," she continued reluctance she always felt when saying anything nice to him, "you did get bit saving Caroline's life and _trying_ to save Elena's."

Damon's eyes danced briefly with amusement. "_That _sounded like it was hard to say."

Bonnie scowled again. "Just…stop talking, alright? If you keep talking, I might change my mind." He held up his hands in mock surrender and Bonnie sighed. "First, this spell only works if you die-"

"So, you did come here to kill me?"

"It only works if you die from the bite," Bonnie continued, ignoring him. "It won't work unless you're at the point of death. Also, I'm not entirely sure it _will _work so you might die anyway. And as for the other consequences? I have no idea what they'll be."

Damon opened his mouth to comment and she was sure whatever he was going to say might piss her off but whatever it was never made it past his lips as it turned into cough instead. He bent forward with the force of it and brought a hand up to his mouth. Blood spilled from his mouth into his hands and after the coughing fit was over, he stared at the blood.

The sight of the blood and the pain written on his face was enough and before she could second guess herself, Bonnie stood and closed the distance between them. She brought her hands up and placed them on the sides of his head.

"What are you doing?" Damon asked, staring up at her with blood staining his lips, for once his own.

"Saving your ass. I already hate being this close to you so I know it's hard for you but be quiet for a minute, would you?" She closed her eyes and Damon was quiet while she chanted the spell.

It only took a minute…a minute before she felt it working and then she released him instantly. Her arms went to her chest and she bent forward, almost touching her forehead to Damon's, with the pain that sprang up as soon as the spell was over.

It took her breath and she was barely aware that Damon had stood up and grabbed a hold of her and she was almost certain she saw concern in his eyes. It lessoned after a few seconds. It was still there but it seemed to have faded...

"What the hell was that?" Damon asked with a frown on his face. He still had a hold of her arm, keeping her upright and steady.

Bonnie wrenched her arm from his and looked up at him with wide eyes. "A consequence," she finally answered. "I have to go." She turned and practically ran from the room before he could say anything else. She brushed past Stefan on her way out but didn't stop when he called to her.

After she got outside, she leaned against the doorway for a moment with one hand over her heart, trying to get her breathing under control.

Xxxxxxxxx

Damon stared after Bonnie, frown still on his face before he shook his head and sat down again. His arm was still on fire and that fire seemed to be spreading pretty fast. Glancing towards the window, he considered following through with what he had planned before the witch had interrupted him.

"What did you do?" Stefan's voice came as he entered the room.

"I've done lots of things," Damon answered, not bothering to turn and face his brother. "You're going to have to be more specific."

"Bonnie just ran out of here…" Stefan's voice was mildly accusatory but Damon honestly had no idea what had freaked the girl out so much. She did hate him but that wasn't why she'd run in the other direction.

"Did she find something?" Stefan's voice was almost painfully hopeful when he asked this question. In fact, he had been determined to find something since Damon had told him about the bite after Jenna's funeral.

"Yeah, she found something," he said after a moment because he just couldn't afford Stefan going out and doing something stupid to try and save him.

"Good." There was relief in Stefan's voice.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"What's going on with you?"

Bonnie had pulled Jeremy's pillow over her head and she groaned at the question. She had gotten no sleep and she wasn't sure if she would until the stupid, stupid spell played out.

"I'm an idiot," she said finally.

"You're not an idiot," he protested. "What happened?"

Bonnie sighed and came out from under the pillow, frowning at him. "I don't want to lay this on you…" He and Elena both were still grieving.

She could see the irritation at her words. "Could you _stop _trying to protect me? I'm not a kid anymore…you can tell me."

She considered him a moment before letting out a frustrated breath of her own. "I cast a spell," she admitted, "on Damon."

"On Damon? You try to kill him again? What'd he do to you?" She almost smiled at the protectiveness that was in his voice when he fired off the questions.

"He didn't do anything to me." She hesitated a moment. Stefan had said that Damon didn't want Elena to know about the bite but she needed to tell someone. "You know he helped Caroline and Tyler escape from Klaus, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, apparently Tyler changed while they were getting away and he bit Damon."

Surprise crossed over Jeremy's eyes. "So, he's dying?"

"No." She brushed her hair back with one hand and pulled his pillow into her lap. "Stefan asked me to try and find something to help him so I found a spell and I cast it."

"Why? I thought you hated Damon?" Jeremy asked with a frown.

"Well, Stefan and Elena both care about him and he did get bitten saving Caroline and Tyler's lives. He's also saved Elena's several times…it doesn't matter. I did do it." She chewed her lip and met his gaze. "It had consequences…"

"What type of consequences?" Jeremy asked warily. "You didn't overdue it again, did you?"

"No…" She hesitated, unsure of how he would react to this. "I think it created a connection…between me and Damon."

Jeremy drew back and the frown on his face deepened. "What type of connection?"

Bonnie looked away from him, staring into space for a moment. "I know he's in pain…physical pain and it's like this constant…thing that never goes away completely. I know right now he's angry about something and a little bit confused and even guilty underneath that…and below that there's more pain, but it's different. It's not physical but it's worse."

"You're feeling what he feels?"

Bonnie did not look over to him. She was still staring out, still lost in emotions that weren't hers. "It's like an echo. I don't get the full impact but it's there, has been since last night, since I cast the spell."

"Why?" Jeremy's face was guarded when he asked. He didn't like this new development.

"I think it's so I can feel it when he dies. There are two parts of the spell. I cast the first part but the second has to be cast at the exact point of death." She could see on his face that he didn't like it. She couldn't exactly blame him. Having a connection to another guy, even if it _was _Damon…

"Please don't make a big deal out of this. It's _Damon. _After the spell's done, things will go back to the way they were before."

Jeremy nodded, forced a smile but she could tell he was still unsure.

Xxxxxxxx

Bonnie drove a little aimlessly. She could think of nothing but Damon and what she was getting from him. The myriad of mixed emotions were strong, even if they were just an echo. She had honestly never thought someone like Damon could feel that much.

Getting an inside view of Damon was unsettling and she wasn't sure what to do about it. A strong part of her wanted to leave him be until she had to perform the last part of the spell. She wanted to let Stefan handle it all. She didn't want to watch him go insane.

She had no idea how Elena seemed to forgive him for all the horrible things he did so easily. She could never do it. Even if Elena had, she hadn't. She hadn't forgiven him for those things. A few good deeds did not completely erase his past and the bad definitely outweighed the good.

It was seeing his pain, however, that was unsettling her the most. Not the physical part. She expected that but the other. The other that was buried so deeply in him that she wondered if he even acknowledged it. Her natural instinct was to alleviate it and she had to remind herself just who it was coming from.

Still, she was not surprised when she finally did park, his house turned out to be her final destination.

Xxxxxxxx

"How is he?" Bonnie stood to the side, watching Alaric with crossed arms and asked the unnecessary question.

"Not good," Alaric answered shortly.

"And Stefan felt this was necessary?" She gestured to the locked cellar door.

"He was afraid Damon would hurt someone."

"So is Damon," Bonnie answered quietly. She shook her head. She needed to do something. The things she'd been feeling from Damon had only grown stronger since she had talked to Jeremy. Stepping forward, she took the bottle of alcohol from Alaric.

"Lock the door behind me," she ordered, her voice still quiet.

Alaric put a hand on her shoulder before she could go into the room. "Bonnie, this isn't-"

"I can take care of myself," she interrupted, "and him if necessary." Without waiting for a reply, Bonnie opened the door and walked inside.

Damon had gone downhill fast since the last time she'd seen him. His face looked almost gray and his normally bright blue eyes were hazy and unfocussed. He didn't acknowledge her presence at first. In fact he seemed to be staring off into space.

She hesitated a moment before sitting on the floor across from him and offering the bottle. Surprisingly, Damon was silent as he took it and for the first time since she'd met him, no threats were exchanged, they weren't fighting or mocking each other.

They sat for several minutes like that. When he passed the bottle back, she did take a drink and it was her who broke the silence.

"I really hate you, you know that?"

A smile crossed Damon's face. "You too, Judgy."


	3. Chapter 3

Without reluctance, and Bonnie would completely blame the bottle of alcohol she'd brought in the room with her, she scooted so that she was leaning against the wall next to Damon. She still kept some distance between them of course.

It was still daylight outside and Bonnie wondered if Stefan's reasons had been a fear of Damon hurting other people or more a fear of him trying to kill himself. Bonnie was sure that she had walked in just before he was about to do that the day before.

Damon had been lucid when she'd gotten into the room but now he had his head turned away from her, staring at the wall with a dazed look in his eyes. He was mumbling to himself and she was pretty sure she heard _Katherine _come from him.

Wasn't surprising when she thought about it. Katherine had been the focus of most of Damon's existence. Her eyebrows drew together and she knew he wasn't actually seeing the walls of the cellar at that moment because she felt the drastic change in his emotions.

The physical pain had faded into the background and for those few moments, she felt the overwhelming sense of devotion…_love _he must have felt for Katherine before she'd betrayed him.

Getting to her knees and turning fully to him, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Damon." He didn't react at all to her voice or her touch and, in frustration, she turned his face towards her. "Damon, snap out of it."

He blinked a few times after a moment and a frown of confusion crossed his face. "Bonnie?" The use of her first name surprised her and lent weight to the theory that he was seeing things that weren't there. It was always _witch _or _Judgy _with him. She was sure that, if he ever thought about her, that she was _Judgy _and not _Bonnie _in his thoughts as well.

The pain was back again, this time worse than before. In fact, both types were. "Looking for an excuse to get closer?" He asked with a raised eyebrow before bending forward with a cry. She felt the physical pain spike. Bonnie took her hand from his face like she'd been burned and widened the distance between them once again.

"Why are you here?" He asked. He was breathing hard through the agony that she knew he was feeling and holding his injured arm to his chest. His eyes were clear and completely serious and she wondered if he even had the energy for his usual sarcasm.

Bonnie opened her mouth to answer but was distracted when her phone rang. Pulling it out, she glanced at the display and saw Elena's name there. Chewing her lip, she considered what to do next. After a glance in Damon's direction, she answered the call.

"Hey," she said, standing and walking a few feet away from Damon, not that it would help.

"Bonnie…Stefan told me about Damon," Elena said immediately and the worry in her voice had a frown forming on Bonnie's face. "I just wanted to find out if you…"

"Found a way to save the pain in the ass?" Bonnie's voice turned sarcastic and she caught the smile on Damon's face out of the corner of her eye. "Yes, I did. So, no need to panic and come over here-"

"Wait," Elena cut her off, sounding confused. "You're with him?"

Bonnie nearly groaned. "I had to cast the spell, didn't I?" She lied.

"Yes, _that's _why you're here," Damon commented just loud enough for her to hear. She scowled and kicked his leg for the comment, which only made him chuckle…and then suppress another yell when the pain spiked again.

"And it worked?" Elena pressed, the worry not leaving her voice.

"Yes, it worked." _Or it will. _Her voice sounded sure, even if she wasn't.

"Oh. Okay, that's good." The relief in her voice was easily heard and Bonnie was once again amazed at Elena's never ending ability to care about a man who had repeatedly hurt her in the worst ways.

"Look, I have to go. I'll call you later, alright?" She hung up before Elena could answer and let out a sigh.

Xxxxxxxxx

"What's going on?" Jeremy asked worriedly when he finally caught up to Elena in the parking lot. He'd been a little worried himself. Bonnie was supposed to meet them in the square and hadn't shown yet.

"Damon. Stefan told me Tyler bit him."

"He told you about that?" Jeremy asked in surprise. Bonnie had specifically asked him not to tell anyone about any of it and he'd reluctantly agreed.

"You knew?" Elena turned on him and he didn't like the flare of anger in her eyes.

"Bonnie told me," Jeremy admitted. "She asked me not to say anything."

"Well, she's with him now-"

"What?" Jeremy cut her off. "She's with Damon?"

"She said she went over to cast a spell to save him," Elena said with a shrug. "She sounded pretty sure it would work."

Jeremy shook his head. He knew Bonnie wasn't there for that. She'd already cast the spell, at least the first part of it and Damon couldn't have gone downhill that fast, could he? She'd said she would stay away from him until she had to cast the second part and that wouldn't be until Damon died from the bite.

"What's wrong?" Elena asked, turning her worry on him at the look on his face.

"Nothing," Jeremy lied. "I'm fine." He wondered away from her. Maybe it did work faster than Bonnie had thought when she'd last talked to him. He felt a spike of jealousy when he thought about it but dismissed that feeling almost instantly. It was _Damon _and if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that Bonnie hated Damon.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Elena stood, unsure, after Jeremy had walked away. After her talk with Stefan, she had been determined to see Damon, to talk to him, to at least make things right between them but Bonnie had sounded so sure and had warned her away.

The thought of Damon actually dying had stopped her cold. She'd never been truly afraid of that before. Not for Damon, anyway. However illogical it was, it had seemed an impossibility.

All those conflicted emotions rose up at the thought too. She hated that, hated that small part of herself that was so drawn towards him.

Still, what if Bonnie's spell didn't work? What if she never got the chance to talk to him? She made her decision.

Xxxxxxxx

Bonnie let out a frustrated breath and dropped back down next to Damon, grabbing the bottle and taking a large drink from it. Damon watched her with an amused light in his eyes.

"You know, this is all your fault," she stated after a moment, gesturing towards him with the bottle.

"What is?" He pressed his right hand to his chest with a grimace and Bonnie noted that his hand was shaking a little. He sounded exhausted…and felt it too. The fact that she knew that, that she felt it as well, only served to make her more angry.

"Everything!" She answered loudly. "You know, it doesn't matter what I said, Elena's going to come running straight here to see you."

"You think?"

"Don't look so satisfied," Bonnie said, sending him a glare.

"You know, I'm trying to figure out just what I did to piss you off this time, Judgy but I'm beginning to think that's your default emotion."

Bonnie drew back, the anger in her eyes spiked and very suddenly, they were yelling at each other.

"Stop calling me that!"

"Why not? It's who you are, isn't it?"

"I'm not…You're a murderer!"

"I never said I wasn't."

"Oh, so that makes it okay? Of course."

"I never said that either but at least I can admit my flaws."

"That is not just a flaw! And you just don't care, do you? No guilty conscious on your part!"

"And you know me well enough to say that?"

"I do know you well enough! All the things you've done, all the horrible, selfish, monstrous-"

"I do feel it, alright!" The admittance stopped her and she stared at him. Maybe it was the exhaustion or the pain. Whatever it was, he kept talking. "I do feel guilty for it. What I did to that girl on the road, what I've done to Stefan and Elena…I feel it."

Bonnie stared at him with wide eyes and her anger deflated. She believed him, every word of it. She could _feel _it. it was haunting him, that guilt and she was sure that part of it had to do with Katherine as well. A part of her yelled in triumph that maybe he wasn't a complete sociopath.

When the agony in him reached newer and greater levels and he fell forward, she caught him before he landed on his face.

This chapter is shorter than my previous one, I know. I had planned to keep going with this one but after thinking about it, I thought this was a good place to stop, especially with all I've got going on for the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Jeremy struggled with himself after walking away from Elena. He knew that, no matter what Bonnie had said to her, she was probably on her way to the boarding house at that very moment.

Jeremy stood for a minute in indecision before he turned and starting running back to the parking lot. He should probably go to…make sure nothing bad happened to her.

Xxxxxxxx

Bonnie struggled to keep Damon up off the floor. She pulled him close to her and his forehead came to rest on her shoulder. One of his arms went around her waist and he squeezed her almost hard enough to leave bruises.

Bonnie's anger from before had completely evaporated. In those moments, it didn't matter what he'd done in the past, it didn't matter that they were supposed to hate each other…all that mattered was the gut wrenching, breathtaking agony that radiated through the bond.

Instinctively, Bonnie pulled him closer. One of her hands went to the back of his neck when she heard the sounds he was making. Involuntary tears stung her eyes at what she was feeling through the bond.

All she could think about was stopping it, the basic need overwhelmed her. She tried using the spell she'd used previously on Elena to take away some of his pain but was frustrated when it didn't work.

So, mindless of whom it was she was embracing so closely, she simply wrapped her other arm around him and settled on waiting it out with him.

She was so caught up in his pain that she didn't hear it when the cellar door opened and she didn't see the two people standing there, staring at them in shock.

Xxxxxxxxx

Elena had frozen in the doorway. She'd known that Damon was in the cellar and Alaric, who had given her some privacy had told her Bonnie had disappeared inside with him but she hadn't expected this. Jeremy, who had followed her here stood beside her, just as still.

The embrace was intimate and she doubted Bonnie and Damon could get any closer. Bonnie was practically in Damon's lap. She had one hand resting on the back of his neck and her other arm was wrapped tightly around his shoulders. Damon's head was resting on her shoulder and he had wrapped his arms tightly around her waist.

The unexpected stab of jealousy Elena felt at the sight of the embrace was what really stopped her cold. It was how right they looked like that, at how Damon was clinging to Bonnie through the pain she could tell he was feeling.

After a minute of staring, and them still not noticing her presence, she snapped herself out of it and remembered her brother. She made it outside quickly but Jeremy had already gone. Reluctantly, she turned back to the house but before she could go back inside, she was grabbed from behind and Sheriff Forbes spoke in her ear.

Xxxxxxxxx

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the pain filtering through the bond seemed to dull a little. Damon didn't pull back immediately. His breathing was harsh, labored and he left it resting on her shoulder for several more seconds.

Finally however, he released her and they both pulled away, staring at each other. Before she could say anything, his attention was diverted to something behind her.

"You open that?" His voice was hoarse and slightly slurred from the after effects. Bonnie turned and stared at the open door. Alaric wouldn't have opened that…not unless she asked him to. That was when Bonnie heard the footsteps coming down the steps.

Acting on instinct once again, Bonnie rose to her feet and stood in front of Damon when Caroline's mother came into the room, gun raised.

"Move out of the way," Sheriff Forbes stated calmly. Bonnie glanced back at Damon, who without her support, had fallen back completely and was now propping himself up on his elbows.

"You don't understand," Bonnie started. "You can't do this." She simply could not let the woman kill Damon, not after all the trouble she'd gone through to keep him alive. She was still feeling that echo of empathy she had felt only moments before that had made her embrace him like a friend instead of the enemy he had been that she herself had tried to kill.

"How can you defend him?" The sheriff asked in disgust. "What he is-"

"I'm under no delusions about what he is," Bonnie stated firmly. "I still can't let you do this."

The sheriff's gun did not waver and although Bonnie was not afraid the woman would shoot _her_ she felt an unexpected anger rise at the unspoken, if empty, threat. The anger was not hers, it was entirely Damon's and a moment later, he was standing in front of her.

"Liz…" The anger in his voice matched what she felt through the bond and, moving faster than either Bonnie or the sheriff could react to, he threw the older blonde into the nearest wall, knocking her out cold.

He turned to Bonnie then. His eyes were still a little dazed and she stood frozen as he raised one shaking hand to her face. There was a silent thank you there in that touch. When he dropped his hand, however, the his gaze went unfocussed again and an instant later he was gone.

Bonnie stood like that for several more seconds before she was running after him, pulling out her phone as she went.

Xxxxxxxx

Damon stumbled through the town square, the movie playing in the background going unnoticed. He bumped into people, hardly noticing when their attire changed to what was popular back when he was human.

The lucid part of him, the small part that knew he wasn't truly in the town square in 1864 again, wondered why he'd left the cellar. That part of him was still back with _her. _

Xxxxxxx

"I don't know where he went," Bonnie said in frustration into her phone, driving as fast as she dared. She wasn't completely sure but she did have an idea where Damon might have gone.

"I'll find him_," _Stefan assured her.

"You better hurry. He's in bad shape. He's been seeing Katherine. I don't know what he'll do if he sees Elena."

Xxxxxxx

Damon stumbled to a stop when he spotted someone else. Katherine stood, just the way he remembered her back then, back when he'd loved her, when she'd meant everything to him, a few feet away.

"Katherine?"

"Damon!" The voice shocked him back to reality and he met Jeremy Gilbert's gaze. When he glanced to the side again, Katherine was gone.

"Where's…" He frowned at Jeremy, trailed off, meaning to ask about Elena but a different name escaped his lips. "Where's Bonnie? I need to see her." He missed the mix of jealousy and anger that crossed over Jeremy's eyes.

Xxxxxxx

Jeremy dumped Damon down in one of the seats at the grill, telling Stefan where they were into the phone. The anger he'd felt when he found Damon hadn't left.

He didn't understand what was going on. How could Bonnie hold Damon like that? She had claimed that she hated the guy on so many occasions and Jeremy knew that Damon's had no love for Bonnie either. The sudden shift in both of their behaviors was unsettling.

He tried to convince himself that it was nothing but couldn't quite pull it off. That embrace had been so…_intimate_. They had been clinging to each other and Bonnie had gone over there in the first place when she didn't have to.

He felt the anger and jealousy start to burn at the thoughts and the paranoia got the best of him. What if it wasn't sudden? What if they'd always felt something for each other? He remembered that saying, that there was a fine line between love and hate.

Jeremy turned, walked closer to Damon, his anger getting the best of him in that moment. He started around the table Damon was sitting at. Before he could do anything about it, however, Damon stood swiftly with his back to Jeremy. Jeremy caught a glimpse of Sheriff Forbes on the other side of the room. Damon moved just as she fired the gun in her hand and instead of hitting Damon in the chest, the bullet staggered Jeremy and he felt a terrible burn in his left shoulder.

"Oh God!" He heard the sheriff yell just as Stefan and Caroline ran into the room. Jeremy struggled to sit up, gritting his teeth against the pain. Sheriff Forbes came running over. Jeremy glanced from one to the other.

"Where's Bonnie?" He asked finally.

"Looking for Damon," Stefan answered idly, checking Jeremy's wound and unaware of the damage those words caused.

"Of course."

Xxxxxxxx

Bonnie walked quickly though the crowd at the town square, her eyes searching for a certain person. She could feel him still. She knew he was there and she found she could follow that. The closer she got to him, the stronger the bond got. _Pain, pain, pain. _It was still there, raging beneath the surface.

She stopped suddenly when it became the strongest she had felt since he'd disappeared from his house and turned around. He stood a couple of feet behind her, shaking and sweating. He looked awful, even worse than when she'd last seen him.

"Damon…" She went to him, catching him before he fell and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder. He sagged against her. "Come on, Damon. Work with me. We have to get you out of here."

"Where are we going?" His voice was just as dazed as the look in his eyes and Bonnie knew that he wasn't seeing her in that moment. She felt those familiar emotions she had gotten before when he was having delusions of Katherine.

Just like he had earlier, he instantly went from being barely able to walk to moving faster than she could see. In a moment, he had her backed up against something solid. She stared at him, preparing to use what she could against him if he tried to hurt her.

When he reached for her, however, the touch was surprisingly gentle and she delayed using her power on him. He was already in a great deal of pain, she knew that, and she wasn't sure what it would do to him, if he could even heal himself properly in the state he was in.

He leaned towards her then and she prepared to make him back off anyway but he didn't hurt her. Instead, he pressed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss.

His lips were soft against hers and he put one hand against the side of her neck, pulling her closer to him. She found herself getting lost in it for just a second, in the emotions she felt coming from him but only for a second. Then she remembered he most likely thought he was kissing Katherine and she did use her power to throw him away from her.

She stood breathing hard, still feeling his lips on hers. Damon hadn't gotten up from where he landed and Bonnie went to him. He stared up at her with confused eyes.

"Judgy?"

"Come on." Bonnie grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. "Let's get you out of here."

Xxxxxxxxx

"You found him?" Stefan sat back in relief where he was still sitting in the grill. Caroline and her mother were still talking and Jeremy had been healed.

"Yeah," Bonnie answered. "He's, well…I'm taking him back to your house."

"Alright. I'll be there-"

"No, Stefan," she cut him off. "You can't be there when I cast the spell and you have to make sure Caroline's not around either. I studied the spell before I went to your house earlier today. It'll affect anyone who's not technically alive around. I'm not sure what it would do to you. It might be harmless but…"

Stefan sighed. "Alright," he said a little reluctantly.

"I'll take care of him," Bonnie promised calmly.

"Thank you, Bonnie," his voice turned sincere and he heard Bonnie sigh.

"Yeah."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Bonnie was breathing heavily herself by the time that she got Damon into his bed. He could barely walk on his own and was getting worse by the second. He had closed his eyes, one hand on his chest, breathing through the pain.

"Still here, Judgy?" He asked breathlessly.

"Still here," Bonnie answered. The sympathy she'd felt before came roaring back at what she was feeling. He was getting weaker as the poison raged through his body. He nearly curled into himself with the agony and, just like she had in the cellar, she held him again. She got into the bed again and pulled him against her, his back against her chest. Just like in the cellar, she didn't think before she did it.

"If it doesn't work…" he got out finally, staring up at her.

"It'll work," Bonnie overrode him. Bonnie let out a sigh. Damon was getting weaker by the moment.

"This is even more pathetic than I thought," he said quietly.

"Don't be melodramatic. You'll only be dead for a few seconds." Bonnie's voice was just as quiet. She brushed his hair back, out of his eyes. She couldn't seem to help herself.

"You know you have a _great _bedside manner." His voice, even if it was quiet, strained, sounded mildly amused.

"Maybe I would if I had a better patient," she shot back at him, blinking.

He let out another breath and she noticed that was slowing down as well. "Thank you." And she understood what he was thanking her for.

"You're welcome." She paused and he closed his eyes. He was so close. "I really hate you, you know that?"

"Hate you too, Judgy."

And Bonnie hated the lie in her voice and in his. She hated the tears that slipped from her eyes as she felt him die in her arms.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry if there are any errors in this chapter. My subscription to Microsoft Office just expired and I won't be able to buy a new one until I get paid. I reread this chapter several times but if I missed anything, sorry...

I have absolutely no problem with Elena or Jeremy but I do not think Elena and Damon belong together. However, I do think she has feelings for Damon so I don't think I can just ignore that...

For a moment, Bonnie was still. It was awful enough watching someone die...but _feeling _it? The urgency of the situation didn't escape her, however and supressing a shudder, she placed a hand over his still chest. God, he was so very still...She had to litterally shake the thought away in order to do what she needed to do.

She couldn't keep her voice from shaking as she chanted the spell. The whole experiance had been awful and it was difficult to concentrate on the spell when she had just felt him die. She'd felt the connection the first part of the spell had created between them break.

Bonnie clutched Damon when she finished casting the spell at the pain the burned through her as soon as the last word left her mouth. She vaguely felt him convulse under her arms before her vision went dark.

xxxxxxxx

Elena was pacing in front of Stefan. She'd been irritated since he'd arrived at her house. First, at the fact that she had spent the better part of the night locked in the police station. While he could understand that, at least, he was having trouble believing her second reason for the pacing and ranting she was doing.

"You should have seen them!" She waved her arms and her voice turned from simply irritated to truly angry.

"You think something is going on between Bonnie and Damon?" Stefan's voice, on the other hand, was incredulous. The last time he had checked, Bonnie and Damon could hardly stand to be in the same room together. They had been civil to one another during the fight with Klaus but Stefan had never gotten the impression that it was anything other than the fact that they needed each other in order to save Elena's life.

"If they were any closer, she would have been sitting in Damon's lap, Stefan." Elena turned a glare breifly on him.

Stefan sighed and ran a hand across his face. "And you're angry because Jeremy saw them?" He clarified.

"Jeremy loves Bonnie. Of course I'm angry."

"And you're sure it's just about Jeremy?" As soon as the question left his mouth, he wished he could take it back. Not becuase he was afraid of the answer. He knew Elena had feelings for Damon. He'd known that for a while. He just did not want to be discussing this when his brother could be dying at that very moment. Bonnie still hadn't called and he was begining to feel a bit restless. What if her spell hadn't worked?

He also knew what her answer would be before it left her mouth. "Of course it's about Jeremy. What else would it be about?"

She was such a horrible liar. At least she was in his eyes. He had grown up with Damon, who could lie through his teeth without blinking an eye. He'd fallen in love with Katherine, who was even better at it. They had no tells. Elena did...the way she touched her hair as she said it, the way she looked away from him. Denial...it was a big thing with her. He knew why she denied it. It wasn't just to spare his feelings. In her mind, having feelings for them both would make her just like Katherine, which was rediculous.

"Would you prefer it if he died?" Stefan asked finally.

"What?" Elena stopped and turned to him fully.

"I asked her to look for a way to save him. That's what she's doing." And he was more than grateful for it. Bonnie had gone beyond what he'd asked of her. "Look, I doubt anything is going on between them. They've hated each other pretty much since they met. After this is over, she'll work things out with Jeremy and she and Damon will go back to hating each other."

"And you're sure about that?" Elena asked skeptically.

"Sure." He shrugged. He really didn't care if something was going on with Bonnie and Damon, not when he was worried if Damon would even be alive after the night was over. He wished Elena would wait until they knew for sure to freak out about whatever was going on between them.

xxxxxxxxx

Every muscle in her body ached. It was the first thing Bonnie became aware of. The second was the seemingly too loud ringing of her phone. Disorientated, Bonnie brought one hand up to her aching head. That was about the time she became aware of the heavy weight resting against her chest and she blinked her eyes open to see a head of messy, black hair.

The memories came rushing back then and Bonnie wrenched herself out from under him. She stayed on the bed, however, and stared down at him, forgetting her own exhaustion and the ache in her bones for the moment. He didn't wake at her movements but he _was _alive. His chest rose and fell and he shifted in his sleep.

Focussing on one thing first, Bonnie pulled the sleeve up of his black shirt up to see the wound. It had looked truly horrid the night before but not any longer. It had disappeared completely, leaving only unmarred, pale skin behind.

Bonnie let out a relieved breath and dropped back on her back beside him. It had worked. It was over. He would be fine. She should get out of there, or at least answer her phone. She was sure Stefan and Elena were dying for an update. She dug it out of her pocket and dialed Stefan's number.

"Bonnie, finally!" Stefan answered before she could say anything. "Are you alright? Is...?"

"I'm fine," Bonnie answered, suppressing a yawn. "And it worked."

"Good." The relief in that one word was easily heard over the phone. "How is he?"

"Sleeping," Bonnie answered simply. She sat up and glanced down at Damon again. "The spell I cast was pretty powerful and he did die so he's probably..." She trailed off, a frown forming on her face. There was something off about him. She hadn't noticed before, she was too concerned with making sure her spell had cured him.

"Bonnie?" Stefan's tone turned concerned but Bonnie barely heard him.

She reached out, grabbed Damon's wrist and promptly dropped her phone. She felt that connection reawaken in her at the simple touch and she sat for a moment, shocked.

xxxxxxxxx

Bonnie had made it downstairs by the time Stefan came rushing into the boarding house. She knew that she had probably panicked him by going silent on the phone but she hadn't been able to help it. As consequences went, this was a pretty big one.

"What happened?" Stefan asked immediately.

"You're not going to believe it," Bonnie said.

"Believe what?"

Bonnie shook her head. "I don't even know how it's possible, Stefan." She put her hands on her head. "I've known I was witch for a while and I've been mixed up with vampires and werewolves...but this has got to be the strangest few days of my life so far."

"Bonnie, what's going on?" Stefan's voice was urgent and he closed the distance between them.

Bonnie opened her mouth to answer...then closed it and turned to the stairs. "He's awake," she whispered.

xxxxxxxxxx

It no longer hurt. That was the first thing Damon became aware of. The agony he'd felt before was no longer burning through him, eating away at him. In fact, he reflected upon waking, he felt pretty good. Tired, but good. When he opened his eyes and propped himself up, he realized that he was alone. The witch had left.

Frowning, he tried to remember the details of what he had been sure would be the last night of his life. Most of it was a little hazy. He remembered her, though. The witch had been there the whole time.

Putting aside, at least for the moment, what that meant, he went to stand and it was then that he felt the difference. He _felt _different. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, not at first. He was sure he wasn't imagining things when Stefan appeared in the doorway and he saw the look on his brother's face.

xxxxxxxxxx

Bonnie stayed where she was after Stefan sped up the stairs. Now that she was fully awake and not so disorientated, she could feel him a lot clearer. She could feel the confusion that he felt.

Shuffling over to the couch, she sat down and leaned back. She wondered how he would take it. She was pretty sure that it was temporary. From what she'd gotten from the spell, all the consequences would be.

xxxxxxxxxx

"What's wrong with you?" Damon asked Stefan when his brother remained silent for a little bit too long.

Stefan shook his head, took a step closer. "You're...you're human."

I know, I know. It's predictable but one of my favorite scenes from season two was the confession scene at the end of The Descent when Damon admits to how much he misses being human. I've been dying to write a fic where he turns human ever since that episode aired.

I know this chapter is short but without Microsoft Word I've been writing this on wordpad and it took me forever just to get this bit out. Sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

Despite the little voice in her head telling her that she should have left already, Bonnie could not seem to force herself off the Salvatore's couch and out the door. She was completely blaming Damon and the what she was getting from him for this.

The problem was what he was feeling. It seemed to her that he had kind of shut down, at least at first. The longer she sat there, however, the more she felt filtering through. First, shock. Then, confusion and after that, he was such a big mess of warring emotions that it almost gave her a headache.

Just like the night before when he'd been sick and dying, she couldn't seem to leave.

Xxxxxxxx

He certainly didn't look any different. At least Damon didn't think so. I wasn't like he'd suddenly developed a tan. There was no sign pointing to him that said "HUMAN". Still, he felt the change. It was subtle. Everything was a little more muted. It wasn't just his hearing, vision, or strength either.

For one of the first times in his life, he'd been shocked into silence. He'd hardly managed to mumble something about a shower to Stefan before escaping into his bathroom.

He also had no clue how he was supposed to feel about this situation. Hadn't he asked for this? Hadn't he confessed that this was what he'd missed most in the world? That part of him, the part that he'd been ignoring since Stefan had forced him into the change almost a century and a half ago was happy for it, was yelling in triumph.

There was another feeling, however. One he wasn't accustomed to, one he hadn't felt since he was human the first time around and a child, at least not for himself. The sharp, sudden fear was something he hadn't felt even after Tyler had bitten him, even after he'd known he was going to die.

Because what the hell was he supposed to do now? He'd always had goals, obsessions and he'd always, _always _known who he was. He'd embraced everything that it was to be a vampire.

So, what the hell did this make him?

Xxxxxxx

Bonnie had almost made it to the door, finally decided that she had to leave when she felt it. That sharp, very strong fear. The type of fear she hadn't felt from Damon at all since she'd accidentally created the connection, not even when he'd thought he was going to die, not even with the agony of the poison raging through him.

It stopped her short, that fear and, without thinking, she turned away from the door, towards the stairs. Before she could reach them, however, Stefan appeared at the top and walked slowly down them.

"Are you alright?" Bonnie asked in a wary tone when she caught the shocked look on his face.

"He's..." Stefan trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

"I know." She guessed what he might be thinking and chewed her lip. "I'm pretty sure it's temporary."

"Pretty sure?" Stefan sounded a little dazed and he brushed past her, going to sit in the place she'd just vacated.

"I think so." She wasn't completely certain but she sort of hoped it was. She didn't know if she'd be able to handle a permanent connection to Damon and she had the feeling that as long as he was human she was stuck with that connection.

"Look," she started, fighting the instinct to race up the stairs, "I really need to go. I'm sure Elena wants an update and I need to talk to Jeremy."

Stefan's head snapped up at her words and his expression changed. "Right. Bonnie, before you go there is something you should know..."

"What?" She frowned at him. He sounded extremely uncomfortable.

"About last night...when you were helping Damon..."

xxxxxxxx

After Bonnie left, Stefan found Damon in his room again. The curtains were pulled back on his window and daylight streamed into the room. He saw Damon's ring on the nightstand beside the bed and Damon was staring through the window, fully in the sunlight.

"Huh."

Damon didn't even notice he was there and Stefan marveled a moment at the fact that he could sneak up behind his brother without him noticing. He hadn't ever been able to do that.

"Damon?" Stefan called hesitantly, going deeper into the room.

His brother jerked in surprise and spun, blue eyes wide. For a few seconds, he was silent and then he seemed to gain some control over himself.

"Trying to kill me, brother?" The humor in his voice was forced.

"Are you alright?" Stefan asked worriedly. He honestly couldn't tell, couldn't read what Damon was thinking.

"Aren't I always?" Damon walked past him and out of the room.

Xxxxxxxxx

Damon stopped by the large window he'd intended on killing himself in front of before the witch had shown up and offered a way to save his life. Only now, the curtains were open and he wasn't burning.

Still unsure what to do with himself, he did what he'd always done when life through him situation like this. He went for the alcohol, uncaring that it would take a hell of a lot less bourbon to get him drunk this time around.

Xxxxxxxxx

"What are you doing here?" Those were the first words out of Elena's mouth when she opened the door and found Bonnie standing there.

Bonnie frowned at the attitude but from what Stefan had said, she had been sort of expecting it. "I came to talk to Jeremy."

"Why?" Elena put one hand on the frame, blocking her from going inside. "Shouldn't you be with Damon?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Look, I know what you saw but you can't possibly believe there's something going on between me and Damon."

"You guys did look pretty cozy to me," Elena said with an accusing stare.

"Which is why I need to talk to Jeremy."

Elena held up a hand, stopping her again. "I don't think I should let you talk to my brother right now."

Bonnie's eyes narrowed. "I think Jeremy can make his own decisions about who he wants to talk to." She crossed her arms. "Is this really about me and Jeremy or is it about you and Damon?"

Elena let out a frustrated breath and actually threw up her arms. "Why do people keep asking me that?"

"Because it's obvious," Bonnie pushed her way past Elena finally and turned to her friend. "Look, maybe you should just admit it. You might actually feel better."

"Admit what?" Elena asked stubbornly, starting away from Bonnie.

"That you have feelings for Damon." Bonnie followed after her.

"I love Stefan!" Elena exclaimed.

"So? You can have feelings for two different people, Elena, and I've seen you with Damon."

Elena turned on her when they reached the kitchen. "What about you?"

Bonnie stopped short and frowned. "What about me?"

"Oh, come on Bonnie. I saw you with Damon too. You were holding him, worried about him. All Stefan asked you to do was try and find away to keep the bite from killing him but you stayed with him the whole time."

"Not because I have feelings for him," Bonnie protested with a glare. "You don't know what you're talking about." This time, it was Bonnie who walked away.

Elena grabbed her arm, turning Bonnie back to face her. "I did see you. You don't do all that for someone you hate." She paused and sighed. "Look, you're my best friend and I love you, okay? But Jeremy is my brother so you have to figure this out."

Bonnie stared after her as she went up the stares, incredulous. The notion that she could possibly feel anything for Damon was ridiculous. It was the connection. That was all that had kept her from leaving Damon alone to deal with it all himself.

She did _not _have feelings for Damon Salvatore.

Xxxxxxxxx

From the slurred speech and the way Damon had wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Stefan was pretty sure that his brother was drunk. It wasn't uncommon, really. It always seemed to Stefan that Damon was never without a glass of some sort of alcohol. The crystal glass had pretty much been glued to his hand since he'd returned to Mystic Falls.

What was making Stefan eye him warily was the fact that Damon did not have the tolerance he'd had. Before, even when he was half way drunk, and it took a _lot _of alcohol to get that way, he still wasn't stumbling or slurring his words the way he was now.

Damon faced him and put both his hands on Stefan's shoulders. He was pretty sure it was mostly to keep from falling on his face. "Sorry, Stefan," Damon mumbled.

_Definitely drunk. _Stefan raised an eyebrow and gripped Damon's arms when he swayed on his feet. "You're sorry?"

Damon nodded and got even closer to him. "Meantta say it 'fore. Sorry for..." He shook his head, seemed to lose his train of thought.

"Sorry for what?" Stefan asked, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell of booze.

"Everythin'!" Damon practically yelled. He gripped the sides of Stefan's face and, even though Damon was completely wasted Stefan could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"Blamed you for everythin'." Damon frowned. "I'm Sorry." He leaned forward, wrapping one arm around Stefan's shoulders in a sort of half hug.

Stefan held him up, surprised at his brother's words, even if they were said in a drunken stupor. He honestly never thought he'd ever hear those words come out of Damon's mouth. He'd had hope this past year that maybe he and Damon were getting back some semblance of the relationship they'd had before Katherine had come into their lives.

Damon, of course, decided to ruin the moment when he leaned down and threw up all over both of their shoes. "Sorry," he mumbled again, staring at the mess he'd made and he would have fallen into it if Stefan weren't holding him up.

This time, Stefan rolled his eyes but had to suppress a smile. "Yeah, I can see that."


	7. Chapter 7

"Jeremy?" Bonnie called his name hesitantly before she opened the door to his room. She knew this was going to be a fight and she really didn't want a fight right then. She was still exhausted. The only sleep she'd gotten in the past several days had been from passing out after casting the spell. Still, she didn't want to wait any longer to talk to him. She'd never been one to avoid confrontation before and the longer she waited the worse it would be.

Jeremy sat up in his bed when she walked inside. "Hey, Bonnie."

"Look, Elena told me you guys saw me and Damon," she started, getting right to the point. She walked over and sat on the bed as well, facing him. "You have to know that nothing is going on with me and Damon."

"I have to?" Jeremy frowned and she saw the anger and hurt in his eyes. "You were practically sitting in his lap, Bonnie. When I found him last night, he was looking for you. He was delirious and dying and the first thing he asked about was you. You were looking for him. What happened to staying away from him until you had to perform the spell? What happened to hating him? I thought you both hated each other?"

Bonnie drew back, surprised. She hadn't known Damon had been looking for her. She had expected that, in that delirium, he would search out Elena. Jeremy was right. They had hated each other for a very long time.

Still, wasn't she forgetting things? Had she still hated him when Stefan asked her to find a cure for the bite? She did remember how he'd helped her, helped her with that spell to make Klaus think she was dead. She remembered the decade dance.

"_With all that power, isn't there a way to increase your odds?" _

"_Careful, Damon. I might start to think you actually care." _

"_We wouldn't want that." _

Bonnie nearly smacked herself in the forehead. Why was she thinking about that now? Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? As much as she wanted to blame it completely on the connection, she was terrified it was more than that.

"I couldn't leave," Bonnie admitted finally, softly with a frown of her own. "Not when he was in so much pain. But it was the connection. That's all."

The hurt was back in Jeremy's eyes. "Maybe you should figure it out."

Bonnie stared at him a moment. "You want to break up?" She asked from the look in his eyes.

"No...I just." He paused for a moment. "Look, this connection you have to him...maybe we should just...take a break until it plays out?"

Bonnie opened her mouth to protest but then closed it before the words could get out. When she looked at it from his point of view, she could understand. It couldn't be easy with her connected to another guy the way she was and she guessed it was the best option.

"Okay," she said finally, quietly. "But I want you to know...this doesn't change anything. I do not have feelings for him."

Xxxxxxxxx

"_Fuck me." _Damon brought one hand up to his pounding head and squinted his eyes at the light filtering through the window. He struggled to sit up on the couch and groaned at the nauseous feeling.

"Feeling sick?" An entirely too loud voice asked. Stefan had appeared at the foot of the couch and was watching Damon with a smirk on his face.

"Fuck off," Damon said with a half hearted glare.

"I'm guessing the hangover isn't fun?" Stefan's grin only widened.

Damon lay back down on the couch, considering an attempt at sleeping through it. This was definitely something he hadn't missed over the years.

"You're not going to puke on the carpet again, are you?" Stefan broke into his thoughts again.

Irritated, Damon grabbed the book lying on the coffee table and threw it at Stefan's head. His brother caught it easily and it only made him laugh as he walked out of the room.

Xxxxxxxx

Stefan only came back into the room when he was sure that Damon had fallen back to sleep. He wondered a moment what it was like, waking up human again and he couldn't help the slight feeling of envy that had crept up.

He'd never give himself the luxury of wishing for something like it simply because he'd known it wasn't possible. But now, watching his very human brother sleeping on the couch...

He had known for a while that he and Elena would not last forever. She had admitted that she wanted a family of her own someday and that was something he could not give her. He'd already made peace with that and decided to stay and love her for as long as he could.

He found himself hoping that Bonnie was wrong, that this wasn't temporary. He knew Damon well enough to know that his brother had been miserable for most of his existence. Maybe this could change that.

Xxxxxxxxx

More than anything, Bonnie was resigned. Ever since leaving the Gilbert's, she'd been thinking about what Elena had said.

She stood in front of the Salvatore's front door, considering her options. She _could _ignore it until the spell played out and the bond between her and Damon was broken. It would probably be easier to ignore it.

Then again, she had never been one to ignore confrontation, or her own feelings. Plus, she was just feeling the need to be there. She couldn't help it and even though the thought that it might be more than just the connection scared her, she had also never been one to back down from her fears.

She was sure, she thought as she walked into the boarding house, that it would only prove what she'd already said to both Elena and Jeremy.

When she got inside, she found Damon already sitting up on the couch. He didn't notice her at first and she held back a tiny smile at that.

"Enjoy the hangover?" She asked calmly and her smile widened when he jumped and turned to her.

She knew he wasn't happy that she'd surprised him but he recovered after a moment. "Come to check up on me, Judgy?"

Bonnie ignored the question. "So, your first night as a human and you get drunk?"

Damon raised an eyebrow. "How do you know what I did last night? You're not stalking me, are you?" A hint of amusement came with the question.

"You wish," Bonnie said. She considered telling him about the connection but stopped short when he stood and wavered on his feet.

"Whoa. What the hell?" He frowned.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "You should probably eat something." Without waiting for an answer and before she could second guess herself, she grabbed his arm and pulled him along with her towards the door and her car. She was only mildly surprised when he didn't protest the action.

Xxxxxxxx

The diner Bonnie stopped at was near the outskirts of town. She was too aware of the fact that all of her friends were at the grill a lot and even though she had decided to try and figure this _thing _between her and Damon out she did not want to be caught at it just yet.

Damon's mood was...well, like it always was. He teased her about her choice in places to eat, flirted with the waitress and stole food off her plate. She would have been irritated if she didn't know for a fact that it was all an act.

"You know, you should really lay off the drinking," she commented. "I'd probably be pissed if you wasted all my hard work and died of alcohol poisoning."

Damon grinned at her. "Careful now. You almost sounded worried for a second."

Bonnie widened her eyes in an imitation of him. "We wouldn't want that, would we?" She asked, repeated words he had spoken to her once back to him.

Damon's grin only widened and, for once, it was genuine. "So, this human thing...?" There was a question in there and she didn't need the bond. She could read it in his eyes.

"Temporary," she revealed. "I think."

A frown formed on his face and she tried to decipher the emotions coming from him. She was surprised when she caught the disappointment mixed in there.

"You think?" And he was guarded then, and for a moment, serious.

"I'm pretty sure," she said with a shrug. She considered again telling him about the other consequence but she was hesitant about it. She was sure she'd either get one of two reactions. Either he'd be angry because she was technically invading his privacy, even if she couldn't help it. Or, he'd tease her about it endlessly.

"Right." He stared off a moment and Bonnie watched him, unaccustomed to this side of him.

"Sorry," she blurted out without thinking, for some reason not liking the look on his face or what he was feeling. She'd expected him to hate the idea of being human. She didn't expect him to feel disappointment at the thought that it wasn't permanent.

His gaze snapped back to hers. "You _are _worried about me," he said, the grin forming on his face again.

Bonnie glared and threw her napkin at his head. "Shut up, Damon."


	8. Chapter 8

"What's it like?" Bonnie asked, watching Damon eat.

"What?"

"Waking up human," Bonnie elaborated, genuinely curious. He'd been a vampire for a century and a half and, as far as she had knew, he'd liked being one. Of course, with her new insight she was beginning to doubt that assessment.

"I suppose it's like the opposite of waking up dead."

Bonnie frowned at the non answer. "Well, I've never done either. So, what's it like?" She pressed. He was silent for a moment and seemed to be considering whether or not to give her a serious answer.

"It's not like I couldn't go out into the sun or eat this," he waved his burger, "before. Everything's just a little muted now. A little less intense."

"Like your feelings?" She remembered someone telling her that what your feeling became a lot more intense when you became a vampire. _Probably why he obsesses about things so much. _

"Like everything."

"And you like that?" She wanted to ask him about the disappointment he'd felt when she'd told him being human was probably temporary. This seemed the best way without telling him about the connection.

Damon just shrugged, however, but with her new insight, she got the answer anyway.

"Can you really turn it all off? Is that what you did after you were turned?" She tilted her head, studied him.

He leaned forward, closer to her. "Are you trying to analyze me, Judgy?"

"Maybe," Bonnie conceded. It would make them even more intense, wouldn't it? Turning them off for so long and then suddenly feeling everything. Bonnie shook her head when she realized that she was trying to _understand _him.

"Nothing excuses all the things you've done." She was, at least, firm in that resolve.

"I haven't made excuses to you," he pointed out.

Xxxxxxxx

Damon watched the witch for a moment, wondering how he'd gotten sucked into _that _conversation. He'd been doing that a lot lately. He remembered, vaguely, apologizing to Stefan while he'd been drunk. He also remembered kissing the witch. That wasn't important. He'd been hallucinating, reliving one of those moments with Katherine.

What he thought was more important was that when Jeremy had found him in the square, he'd been looking for the witch...and he'd wanted her with him when he died.

Xxxxxxxx

"Hey." A slow smile spread across Stefan's face when he opened his door to see Elena standing there.

"Hey." She smiled back at him, stepping into an embrace.

"What's going on?" He wrapped his arms around her.

"Nothing. I just thought we could spend some time together. It has been kind of crazy around here lately..."

"Sure." His smile widened and he pulled her inside. She glanced around the parlor when they got inside.

"We alone?" She asked after they sat down and she leaned back into him.

"We are." He had seen Damon disappear with Bonnie earlier but he didn't tell her that. He was willing to bet that Bonnie hadn't thought he was home when they left and he didn't want to stir up trouble for her. He still had no idea just what was going on between the two of them but Bonnie was old enough to make her own decisions and he had never known her to take crap from Damon.

He was also pretty sure that Damon hadn't told Elena about his...transformation. He was a little surprised. He would have thought Damon would have gone straight over to Elena's to tell her but he hadn't.

Stefan, of course, knew how Damon felt about Elena and now Damon had an advantage over him. An advantage that he apparently wasn't using. Or, at least, he hadn't so far.

"Great." She kissed him and they were just starting to get into it when he heard the front door open again and two voices.

"You really need to learn to drive the speed limit." Bonnie's voice was scolding.

"It was your car. If you didn't want me to drive, you could have said no." Damon's voice, on the other hand was just plain amused.

"I didn't know you'd be driving like an idiot. Although, I guess I should have. It is you."

Elena had sat up and a frown had formed on her face when she heard them but they had stopped just inside the door and still hadn't come inside enough to spot either Elena or Stefan.

"That hurts, Judgy. And here I thought we were connecting, learning to get past all that animosity...really working on our relationship." Damon's voice was mock serious and even though Stefan couldn't see him, he could picture the smirk he knew was planted firmly on his brothers face.

Bonnie let out a frustrated noise. "I hate you."

"Hate you too, Judgy." The words were said idly but they both stopped at the doorway when they spotted Elena and Stefan. Stefan eyed his girlfriend. Elena was not stupid. Although the conversation they'd overheard sounded pretty typical of Damon and Bonnie, there had been none of the usual anger behind it.

"Hey, Elena." Bonnie shifted on her feet and glanced at Damon. "I should really get out of here," she said abruptly after a moment of silence.

"So soon?" Damon's tone was the same as it had been when he'd first come in the door. He either didn't notice or was ignoring the expression on Elena's face. "I thought we were getting somewhere."

Bonnie scowled and hit him on the shoulder before turning to leave. Elena glared at him as well and followed Bonnie out the door. Damon watched both of them leave with a raised eyebrow.

"And you people think _I'm _the crazy one."

Xxxxxxxxx

"Bonnie!"

Elena's voice stopped her before she could reach her car. She sighed and turned briefly. "Look, could you not yell at me about what you _think_ I'm doing. I'm really not in the mood for a fight right now."

Elena stopped as well. "This is more than just the spell, isn't it? Jeremy told me after you left last night...about what it did. But it's more than that..."

Bonnie shook her head. She thought about the last couple of days, about the way she thought about Damon had started to shift, about everything that had happened in those few days. She could still feel him. She'd felt it when he was in pain. She'd felt him _die. _

"I don't know," she finally answered truthfully.

Xxxxxxxxx

Bonnie barely slept that night either. She was going to have to start doing something about that. She couldn't go the entire time the connection was still active without any sleep.

She was exhausted and still couldn't sleep. She was so going to blame this on Damon later. _He _was up and not tired. _He'd _slept late, getting over a hangover. She felt like he was haunting her. She couldn't get away from him, even across town.

Finally, in frustration, she gave up and got out of bed. She'd been lying there for nearly two hours. There was no way she was getting any sleep, at least not while he wasn't.

Xxxxxxxxx

Damon's foot moved restlessly. The television was on but he wasn't paying much attention to it. He'd never been one for sitting in front of the screen anyway. It made him feel even more restless than he had before.

He couldn't sleep and he kind of felt like he was wasting time. Plus, not having anything to do gave him way to much time to think.

Finally, he got up, grabbed a jacket and headed out of the house, no real destination in mind.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Bonnie flipped disinterestedly through the channels on her TV, not really paying any attention to what was on. Was it getting stronger? It sure felt like it was. She could practically feel him beside her with that damned smirk on his face.

And she'd really hoped it would start to fade over time. A tap on her window distracted her and she went to it, pulling the blinds. She stared at Damon a moment before reluctantly opening the window.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a frown, understanding just why the connection seemed to have gotten stronger since she had gotten out of bed.

"I don't know," he said with a shrug. The answer was honest with no amount of mocking and she sighed, and opened her window wider to let him in. He was lucky her bedroom was on the first floor.

Bonnie cringed when he slid inside, landing hard on the floor and she was thankful her dad was out of town at that moment. When he got up, he dropped back on her bed. Bonnie frowned. She knew he had come to her house because he was bored and restless.

"So, what have you been doing?" He asked and there was that smirk.

Bonnie let out a resigned sigh and sat against the headboard next to him. She didn't answer his question but had to suppress a groan when she turned to the television and caught sight of the cheesy romance that starred a human girl with her vampire boyfriend.

She scowled and flipped the channel until she got to some comedy and wondered when, for what felt like the hundredth time, when it had started to feel normal to have him so close.


	9. Chapter 9

"So, they're not together?" Damon asked again, tilting his head, eyes still glued to the screen. She had put on one of her DVDs when it became clear that Damon wasn't intending on leaving.

"They're brothers," Bonnie answered with a roll of her eyes.

"Hm." He was silent while he watched the two men on the screen fight their way through a mass of demons to find their father.

"Gotta tell you," he started after a few minutes. "This isn't the sort of thing I expected you to like."

"Why not?" She asked, distracted herself by the show even though she'd already seen it several times.

"Don't you have enough of this stuff in your real life. Thought you were pretty obsessed with finding something _normal._" He said the word like it was foreign and she guessed it would be for a one hundred and seventy year old human turned vampire turned human.

With a frown on her face, Bonnie finally looked away from the screen. "What makes you say that?" Damon simply raised an eyebrow at the question and she sighed and conceded the point. "It's just a show."

Her voice sounded defensive even in her own ears. She admitted to herself that he was right. She _had _been looking for something normal ever since she'd found out she was a witch.

"What if I'm wrong?" She asked suddenly. "What if this is permanent? If it is, you could get the normal life."

Damon grimaced and shook his head. "Except it's not permanent." He sounded very sure of those words, even though Bonnie hadn't been completely when she'd spoken them before.

"What if it was?" She pressed.

Damon turned his gaze on her. "I don't like thinking in what ifs, Judgy."

"Because?"

"Because when I do, I end up going out and doing something stupid," he admitted honestly.

Bonnie nodded and understood just what _doing something stupid _meant for him. Something like killing that girl on the road.

"Admit it," he started, his tone turning much lighter, "you just watch this for the hot guys."

Bonnie gave him a half smile. "You think they're hot?" She teased and she felt as well as saw the spark of amusement her comment brought.

"They're alright."

Bonnie's grin simply widened and she turned back to the television. It wasn't entirely horrible, hanging out with Damon.

Xxxxxxx

"Hey." Bonnie's voice was distracted when she sat across from Caroline at the Grill.

"Hey." Caroline smiled brightly at her, however and Bonnie attempted to return it. She had spent the entire night watching her DVD's with Damon. It had been close to four in the morning when she'd finally fallen asleep. He'd been gone when she'd woken up.

"Something wrong?" Caroline asked.

Bonnie opened her mouth to answer, then hesitated. She hadn't discussed this problem with anyone. But she'd had fun last night. She'd actually enjoyed herself. Forgetting all their history for few hours and just hanging out with him.

"Elena told me you found a way to save Damon," Caroline commented after a moment.

"Is that all she told you?" Bonnie asked, worried that Elena was telling everyone that there was something more between them than just the spell Bonnie had cast to save his life.

"What else is there?" Caroline leaned forward and Bonnie shook her head.

"Nothing." She paused. "So, how are things with your mother?"

She focused on Caroline as she spoke, hoping to distract herself. It was difficult, however. She had slept well after she had fallen asleep and she couldn't help the feeling that it was because Damon had been beside her.

"Elena loves him, you know," Caroline stated bluntly, out of nowhere.

"Who? Tyler?" Because Bonnie was pretty sure that was who Caroline had been talking about before.

"You know who I'm talking about." Caroline placed her hands on the table and leaned closer to Bonnie. "She does love him."

"I know," Bonnie answered softly. She'd known that for a while and if she hadn't known before, Elena's reaction to what she thought was happening between Damon and Bonnie only confirmed it.

"I think she loves Stefan more but she doesn't want to be a vampire. She'll eventually want a normal life with a normal guy."

Bonnie stared at her. "You've been talking to Stefan?" She asked because she had the feeling Caroline was warning her and Elena did not know about what the spell had done to Damon. As far as she knew, Stefan hadn't told her that Damon was human now.

Caroline simply shrugged but there was concern in her eyes. "Look, all I'm saying is that she loves him and he loves her. You should be careful."

Bonnie was silent for a moment. She thought about protesting the unspoken implications of Caroline's words, the thought that she actually felt something for Damon but she had already gotten past that.

No, Caroline was worried about her. Not because it was Damon but because of the feelings that Damon and Elena had so obviously shared for each other for so long a time.

She let out a breath. "Thanks," she said finally, just plain touched that Caroline would worry about her in that way.

Xxxxxxxx

Once again, Damon stood in front of the window in the parlor. His ring was still sitting on the table behind him and he had a glass in his hand, although he hadn't drank anything from it yet. He honestly wasn't sure of his limit anymore and he would have rather avoided a night like the one he'd had the last time he'd decided to drink. Not to mention the hangover.

He hadn't slept much. In fact, the only sleep he'd gotten was those few hours in the witches bed. He'd spent hours there with her, watching some show with her that she seemed to love before falling asleep against her headboard. When he'd woken up, she'd had her head on his shoulder.

He liked the girl. That was really all it was. He'd never particularly liked her before, although he could admit to a certain amount of respect for her. The witch was definitely a fighter and she never let him get away with anything.

She and Stefan were the only ones who knew about his little transformation and Stefan didn't seem to know how to act around him, especially after the drunken apology he'd made. There was a certain amount of worry in Stefan's eyes since then too.

Damon knew what that worry was. He'd seen it when Stefan mentioned Elena and he wondered if Stefan had thought he would go straight to Elena and tell her about the transformation in hopes that she'd come running to him instead.

"You're not getting drunk again are you?"

Damon controlled himself and _did not _jump at the sound of his brother's voice. "Not yet." He turned to Stefan and set the glass down.

"Where were you last night?" And there was that worry again in Stefan's eyes.

"Why?" He had that urge again…to tease Stefan about his worries but stopped himself.

"You weren't with Bonnie were you?"

_Ah. _So, he had misinterpreted the worry this time. "Why?" He asked again. "Thinking of getting yourself a new girlfriend?" He frowned and couldn't figure out why that thought bothered him.

Stefan rolled his eyes. "No. I just wanted to make sure you're not-" He cut himself off with a grimace. He looked uncomfortable, like he didn't want to be having the conversation.

Damon could see what Stefan was thinking and, unable to help himself, he laughed. "What? Manipulating her? Even if I were still _dead _this is _Bonnie _we're talking about, isn't it?" He was pretty sure it wasn't possible for him to pull something like that with the girl and she was far less forgiving than Elena.

"Yeah." Stefan let out a breath, sitting on the couch.

"Elena put you up to this?" Damon asked, sitting as well.

"She's…worried," Stefan admitted.

"I think Bonnie can take care of herself," Damon muttered. However weird it was, the friendship that seemed to have developed between he and the witch since she'd agreed to save his life wasn't something he wanted to give up.

"I know," Stefan agreed.

"Great. Then tell your girlfriend that if she has a problem, she can tell me herself." He picked up his glass again before heading towards the stairs, suddenly wanting it again. He'd known that Elena was still angry with him for forcing her to drink his blood before the ritual and he could admit it was a stupid move on his part but he still couldn't believe that she'd think there was any way possible that he could manipulate Bonnie.

He hadn't spoken to Elena since he'd gone to her house to apologize for doing that to her. She'd slammed the door in his face and he hadn't been back since. He'd told her he'd give her time. Granted, he hadn't thought he'd had any then but still…

He loved her. Or, at least, he was pretty sure he did but ever since Bonnie had walked in and declared her intention of saving him, he hadn't been thinking about Elena.

It hadn't been Elena he'd been looking for when he was delirious from the bite. It hadn't been Elena that had been there when he'd died from it. It hadn't been Elena he'd went to the night before when he'd been bored and, well, _lonely. _

Xxxxxxxx

It was much later when someone knocked on his door. He opened his mouth, intending on telling Stefan to go away but stopped short when the door opened and he caught sight of Bonnie.

"Hey," she said and, without waiting for an invitation, she went over to his bed and sat down next to him. She shrugged at the look he gave her. "Couldn't sleep."

Damon simply nodded, refrained from any other sort of comment and settled against the headboard next to her.

He probably needed to talk to Elena and he figured she'd come find him sooner or later but, at that moment, he couldn't bring himself to care about that.

"So, you bring your DVD's with you? I haven't gotten to the second season yet."

Bonnie only laughed in response.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone, especially Reighn Venhem who suggested a few things for this chapter that helped me out a lot!

"He sold his soul?" Damon asked again.

"Yes, to save his son."

Damon was frowning. "And what? That just makes up for all the crap he put on them when they were kids?"

Bonnie frowned as well at his tone. "No but I mean...he never did get over his wife's death."

"That does not make it alright to treat your kids like shit," Damon countered with a slight scowl. Bonnie stared at him a moment. He seemed pretty unaware that she was staring at him and of the scowl on his own face.

"Was your father...not a nice guy?" She asked hesitantly because she had the distinct impression that this issue was a little personal for him. The look on his face coupled with the emotions she was getting from the bond made her think so anyway.

He looked over at her and she could see that she had startled him with the question. He gave her one of those considering looks she'd seen before whenever she asked him something anywhere near personal.

"Well, he is the one that killed me," he admitted after a moment. His voice was light and she didn't feel any pain coming from him. Still...

"He killed you?" Bonnie asked with wide eyes.

"Shot us both when they were taking Katherine away. He hated everything to do with vampires and couldn't abide Stefan or I coming to one's rescue."

Bonnie took a moment to process that information. She had harbored hatred for the vampires herself, and had tried to kill Damon on more than one occasion, but she couldn't imagine doing that to someone she loved.

"What about your mom?" She asked finally.

"Died when I was a kid," he answered. He didn't look over at her as he said it. "My father wasn't the same after..."

Bonnie's brow furrowed at his words, understanding his almost instant dislike for the fictional John Winchester. She turned back to the show. Damon's father sure sounded a lot worse to her though.

Damon ignored her reaction and she got the feeling he wouldn't be answering anymore personal questions that night. She made a point of keeping any conversation they had after that light.

Xxxxxxxxx

Once again, Bonnie woke up alone. This time, however, she wasn't in her bed. She was in his. She was surprised at the flare of disappointment she felt when she realized he wasn't beside her. Suppressing it, she got up and grabbed her shoes before heading downstairs. She found him in the kitchen and had to smile.

"You made breakfast?" She asked, not so surprised at this.

"Of course." He put a plate with eggs, bacon and toast in front of her and her after she sat down and her smile widened.

"Thank you."

xxxxxxxx

He was lying on the grass. Head pillowed in his hands and eyes closed, Damon kept his mind on what he was doing and tried not to let his thoughts drift to other areas.

He'd been strangely...content in a way he hadn't been in a very, very long time all day. He ignored the other people that were out as he lay in the grass, tuned out the sound of children and parents alike.

He wasn't usually one for being so stationary for so long. He got bored and restless quickly. It was why he, usually, never stayed in one place for any length of time.

But he found himself liking this. Lying in the grass with the sun shining down on him. He liked the feel of it. He hadn't felt it without burning in a century and a half.

It was all due to the witch, he knew that. What he was feeling was because of her. He'd even told her things that only Stefan knew, and perhaps Elena if Stefan had decided to tell her.

The feeling of peace that had overwhelmed him that morning when he'd woken up with, once again, Bonnie's head resting on his shoulder was so foreign that he almost didn't recognize it. Despite his usual recklessness and love of trouble in general, he wanted it to last as long as it could.

Unfortunately, as he should have known, it really wasn't meant to last.

"What are you doing?"

Damon did not jump at the sound of her voice but the contentment he'd been feeling evaporated in an instant. "Getting a tan," he answered, not bothering to open his eyes, a wave of unexpected irritation at her interruption washing over him.

"Funny." She sounded as irritated as he felt. "We need to talk," she stated bluntly.

Damon opened his eyes, squinting up at her. Elena had her hands on her hips and he could see the determination on her face. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes again.

"I haven't been killing anyone or manipulating your friends. Hell, I haven't even threatened to kill anyone lately."

"That's not what I wanted to talk about," Elena protested, a touch of anger entering her voice. He'd known that she had sat down in the grass next to him before he opened his eyes.

Damon propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at her. "What do you want?" He asked. He found that he simply did not want to have this conversation and he wished that he'd chosen a more secluded spot, a place where she would have been less likely to walk up on him.

Elena seemed taken aback by his tone. "I just...I haven't seen you since..."

"Since? You asked for time, remember? Now you're pissed because I didn't come around after you asked me not to?" He figured he was being a little unfair but the irritation from before hadn't left and he couldn't seem to help himself.

"You almost died! And you...didn't..."

"I came to talk to you when I thought I was going to die," he pointed out.

"But you didn't tell me about it," she countered. "If I'd known-"

"You would have what?" He sat up fully then. "Forgiven me because I was dying? Stayed with me and told me what I wanted to hear because of it?"

"Damon...there is something-"

"You don't love me," he cut straight to the point, already hating the conversation. "You never will." He paused and watched her eyes. He'd shocked her with the blunt statements but that was what he'd been going for. "Stefan thinks you might. You're friends probably think you might. But you don't."

He saw it in her eyes in the moment before she answered. "I never said that I did."

Damon nodded and was surprised to find that those words didn't hurt the way they had before. For the first time since his feelings had developed for her, he wondered if _he _was seeing something in himself that wasn't there.

"I'm still your friend," she said softly. Then, after a moment, she asked another question. "Damon...where's your ring?"

_Damn. _He really hadn't been thinking about that. He was silent for a moment. He didn't want to tell her, that was his first thought. After the conversation they'd just had, he didn't want her to know.

"It doesn't matter." He laid back and closed his eyes again. "I'll talk to you later, Elena."

xxxxxxxx

Elena stared at him and for a minute she didn't move from her spot next to him. She had been thinking about him, about her feelings towards him since Bonnie had called her out on them.

His dismissal stung and she didn't ask how he was outside without his ring again. He was right. She shouldn't be there and she'd told him the truth, she realized, she couldn't love him the way he had wanted before.

She walked away.

Xxxxxxxx

The restlessness had seeped back in. Damon sat up after Elena left when he couldn't get that feeling of peace from before back. It had abandoned him as soon as she had spoken. Frustrated, he stood and left.

Bonnie was not surprised when he showed up at her house later that night. He was not surprised when that feeling came back as soon as he sat settled down next to her on her bed.


	11. Chapter 11

_When I'm dead I won't feel any pain_

_But when I'm dead I won't feel anything_

"Is it better?" Bonnie blurted the question out after watching Dean Winchester and the angel Anna argue about the value of being able to feel. "Being able to turn it all off, I mean. Is it better?"

Damon no longer looked startled at her questions. It had been several weeks since she'd cast the spell and he'd spent nearly every night at Bonnie's, if she wasn't at the boarding house. "I couldn't do it anymore." He shrugged. "It gets...harder the older you get." Rose's words rang in his head. She'd been right. Some time after returning to Mystic Falls, he'd lost the ability to turn it all off.

"But is it better?" Bonnie asked again.

Damon shifted on her bed and was silent for a minute. "It's...easier." The answer left his mouth easily. It wasn't technically what she'd asked, though.

"But not better?" Bonnie pressed, truly wanting to know.

"Sometimes I think it is," he admitted.

Bonnie chewed her lip and looked away from him, staring off into space a moment, the show, which had progressed to Dean, Sam, and Ruby trying to hide the former angel from both Heaven and Hell went unnoticed by her as she contemplated her next problem. She was beginning to think that her earlier belief that the spell would play out and both break the connection and turn Damon back to the way he had been before wasn't going to happen. It had been weeks, after all. She was also starting to feel more and more guilty about it.

The connection they had...it wasn't all just magic. She was beginning to realize that the more time she spent with him.

"Maybe if I could do it, I wouldn't have been such an idiot." The words brought her out of her thoughts and she frowned at him.

"What?"

"The whole thing with Elena," he said, waving a hand as if it was nothing but she knew it was anything but.

"You love her." She said it as a statement. She hadn't spoken with Elena much over the past several weeks. She knew Elena and Damon had spoken but was unaware of the details of the conversation. She had hoped that they had worked things out but it seemed to her that Damon and Elena had been avoiding each other since.

Damon leaned close to her. "I thought I loved her." He reached out and brushed some of her hair back. "I think I made a terrible mistake."

"What kind of mistake?" Bonnie asked. She made no move to pull away, the look in his eyes freezing her.

"I think I've been looking in the wrong direction." The words were honest and the look in his eyes was painfully open. She didn't need the bond in that moment.

"What made you think that?" She asked hesitantly, unable to pull her gaze from his.

"Talked to her," he stated simply. "Then I came here...and it made me realize a few things I'd been missing before." He paused a moment. "Turning it all off means you don't have to feel pain but it also means you can't feel anything else."

Bonnie was entranced. She'd seen honest moments in him since casting the spell. He'd told her details about his past, mostly about the first time he was human but those rare moments were nothing compared to this. When he leaned forward,she didn't stop him. When his lips found hers, she didn't push him away. Her hand went automatically to the back of his head in an attempt to pull him even closer.

When he pulled back, the emotion in his eyes was just as raw as the ones she felt through the bond. "You still going to be here when I'm dead?"

Bonnie didn't have to think about the answer. "I'll be here." Because the kiss hadn't felt wrong like she would have expected. He leaned in again, only this time, she did stop him. "Wait. There's something I have to tell you."

xxxxxxxx

Bonnie was still sitting on her bed an hour after he left. Knees pulled up to her chest, she blinked back the tears that had started as soon as he had left. The anger and hurt she still felt pulsing through the bond was the only thing she could focus on.

Telling him had been something she'd had to do. She'd felt guilty enough keeping the connection from him when they were becoming friends but after that kiss...

He hadn't listened to her try to make explanations. He hadn't heard her when she'd tried to tell him that it was much more than the stupid bond now.

And now...now she was stuck. She could still feel him, still feel the hurt she had caused. Maybe he would hate her...like the way he hated Katherine. Maybe she'd go on that long list of disappointments.

Bonnie rested her forehead on her knees. How the hell was she supposed to fix this? God, she wanted to. She wanted to so badly. She was past any qualms she'd used to have when it came to Damon. She was past second guessing herself and him. She was past thinking this was a bad idea. She wanted him. She wanted him with her.

_Why are you just sitting here then? _Bonnie stood after a moment and wiped her eyes, determination settling into her. She'd never backed down from a challenge before. She'd just have to make him listen to her.

Xxxxxxxxx

A frown of worry formed on Stefan's face when he saw his brother. Stefan had always liked sitting on the roof of the boarding house and watching the sun set but he had never found Damon up there.

"What's wrong?" He asked when he caught the look on Damon's face. His frown turned into one of disapproval when he saw what Damon had in his hands. "Your drinking up here?" He asked incredulously. "You can't survive a fall from here anymore, Damon."

Damon did not glance over at him and he seemed to have ignored the words. "Katherine really did screw us, didn't she?" Damon's words were just slurred enough to tell Stefan that he was on his way to being drunk.

"I thought we both agreed on that a long time ago," Stefan answered him, sitting down. He watched his brother warily, intending on staying up there as long as Damon did. Even if Damon wasn't, Stefan was very aware of Damon's mortality.

"Yeah but I mean, really screwed. They should at least let the switch work longer if this is how it's going to turn out."

Stefan frowned. He'd seen Damon in one of these moods several times since they'd both returned to Mystic Falls. Usually, it was either Elena or Katherine who put him in one. This time, he didn't think it was either of them.

"You want to turn off your emotions again? You're human-"

Damon cut him off with a wave of his hand. "That's just temporary."

"How do you know? Bonnie wasn't even sure." Stefan didn't miss the flinch Damon gave at the mention of the witches name.

"I know my luck." Damon paused. "Maybe it's Karma," he decided with a nod, looking over at Stefan.

"You don't believe in that stuff," Stefan pointed out. He was sure of that.

Damon opened his mouth to answer but all that left his mouth was a cry of pain. He bent forward and would have rolled right off the roof if Stefan hadn't caught him.

Xxxxxxxxx

Bonnie nearly ran her car off the road when she felt it. She barely managed to maneuver it to the side and stop safely. She was breathless for a moment, holding one hand to her chest at the pain coming through the bond. It wasn't the hurt she had inflicted on him earlier. This was all physical.

Doing her best to ignore it, she jerked her car back on the road and sped up. She knew what was happening.

Xxxxxxxxx

Stefan sped his brother into the house. Damon had one hand wrapped around his midsection. His teeth were clenched so tight Stefan could hear them grinding together. Stefan laid him down on the couch but kept one hand on him, panic starting to form.

Damon dug his nails into Stefan's arm and his back bowed so far Stefan thought it might snap. His breath came out in little sharp gasps and Stefan could hear his heart beating fast, too fast.

It only lasted a few seconds, whatever it was, and then Damon stilled, relaxing into the couch.

Xxxxxxxx

Bonnie ran through the front door of the boarding house. The pain Damon had been feeling was gone but she was still frantic to get to him. She made it into the parlor and stopped short. Stefan was there with his back turned to her, leaning over the couch.

"Stefan?"

At her voice, he rose and turned his head. Bonnie's gaze, however, was drawn to the second figure that rose from the couch. Damon stood calmly. She watched as he reached around his brother to the ring sitting on the coffee table and put it on.

Bonnie recoiled, even stumbled back before she could close the distance between them when the connection between them snapped. The pain of it breaking had her leaning against one of the chairs in the room.

She felt someone grab her upper arm, steadying her and she looked up into those blue eyes. His expression was unreadable when she met his gaze. For the first time since she'd cast the first part of the spell, he was completely closed off from her.

She only had a second to contemplate it before he was gone from the room, moving faster than she could see.


	12. Chapter 12

This is my last chapter guys. I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been reading this story!

Bonnie sat at a table at the Grill. She'd gone because she'd thought maybe she should eat something but hadn't had the appetite when her food had come. Her mind was still back at the boarding house. She'd left in a hurry after Damon had disappeared. The bond breaking had left her feeling strangely hollow. It was what she was thinking about, her head resting on the table and the plate of food she'd ordered forgotten.

"Bonnie?"

She snapped her head up at the voice. "Jeremy." She watched him as he sat across from her.

"Haven't seen you in a while," he said, watching her.

Right. She had been avoiding places like the one she was currently in because of that. "Sorry," she mumbled. She felt a stab of guilt. His eyes were readable. He'd been hoping she would have come to see him.

Apparently, he could read her too. "I guess you worked it out."

"I did." She sighed. He really was a good guy and she didn't like hurting him. "I am sorry."

Jeremy nodded, looked away. He opened his mouth to say something but didn't. Instead, he simply got up and walked away. Bonnie put her hands to her head again and fought not to cry.

"Bonnie?" A second voice called her name and then someone sat down next to her in the booth. "Are you alright?"

Bonnie simply shook her head and threw her arms around Caroline in a hug, resting her head on her friend's shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Caroline asked and the concern in her voice was what did it. When Bonnie pulled back, she spilled everything that had happened in the past several weeks.

Xxxxxxxx

Damon watched for a moment as his hand sizzled in the beam of light that shone through the curtains. He watched just another confirmation that the humanity that Bonnie had given him was gone.

He brought his hand out of the light and stared at it as it healed. Even the physical pain of that couldn't distract him. Slipping his ring back on his finger, he sat and stared up at the ceiling.

Mystic Falls was really starting to turn him into something he hated. He was brooding almost as much as his brother. He couldn't seem to help himself. But, he was also angry.

It wasn't the invasion of privacy or even that she had lied to him. Well, it bothered him and that was where the anger was coming from. More than that, though, was the thought that maybe she hadn't really ever given a damn about him.

It was plausible, wasn't it? She'd hated him before, after all. Maybe it was just some stupid bond that kept her from telling him to get the hell out?

"You alright?"

Damon did not look over at his brother. "Peachy," he answered shortly.

"Bonnie left out of here pretty fast," Stefan started.

Damon let out a frustrated breath. He did not want to talk about that. He may have been brooding as much as his brother lately but nobody else needed to know that.

"Look, I don't know what happened with you guys but she did leave a message. She said to tell you that she's sorry and that it wasn't just the bond."

Damon rolled his head to the side so he could look at his brother.

"Actually, her exact words were 'if you think I'm stupid enough to let you get that close over something so idiotic then you don't know me at all'." Stefan shrugged.

Despite himself, Damon's lips twitched in an almost smile. That definitely sounded a bit more like the witch.

"Like I said, I don't know what happened or what that means but..." Stefan hesitated a moment. "I know you hate people telling you what to do but, Damon, don't let something stupid ruin whatever it is you have with her." And with those sentiments, Stefan left the room.

Xxxxxxxx

"So, he's angry," Caroline said after Bonnie finished the story.

"God, Care. It's more than that." Bonnie let out a frustrated breath. "I know what he thinks. He thinks I was only letting him get so close because of the bond."

"And it's not...just that?" Caroline asked.

"No," Bonnie admitted after a moment. "It's not."

"Then you have to go tell him that," Caroline stated with a shrug.

"Except I really don't think he wants to talk to me right now."

"So make him listen," Caroline replied with just a little bit of exasperation. "You've never backed down from him before. Don't back down now."

"I'm not..." Bonnie stopped and thought about it a minute.

"Look, if he spilled his guts the way you said he did he must really care about you. As far as I know, he never even did that with Elena. So..." Caroline raised an expectant eyebrow.

Bonnie couldn't help but to smile and then she pulled Caroline into a hug. "Thank you."

"No problem," Caroline said easily.

Xxxxxxxx

Thankfully, Bonnie didn't have to search to much for him. She found him in the exact same place she'd found him when this had all begun. The same place where she'd found out he was dying and where she'd agreed to do whatever it took to save him.

He turned to her but didn't say anything. He seemed to be waiting for her to start.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out first. "I'm sorry I lied, okay? But I just wasn't sure how you would react."

Still, he didn't say anything. He set the glass in his hand down and started over to her instead.

"It wasn't just the bond. At least it hasn't been lately."

Damon reached her and brushed her hair back, leaving a hand on the back of her neck.

"Damon-" He cut her off. The kiss was just as mind blowing as the one he'd given her when he'd still been human. "Wow," she managed when he pulled back.

Damon smirked. "You should stick around. This isn't the only thing I'm _very _good at."

"Not mad at me anymore?" She asked, tracing thumb across his jawline.

"Oh, no. I'm still mad." His smirk didn't leave, however and his eyes sparkled. "You're still going to have to make it up to me."

"Oh? How am I supposed to do that?"

"I'll think of something." He leaned in again. Bonnie put a hand on his chest.

"Am I going to like this?" She asked warily.

"Trust me."

A smile formed on her face. "Can't. I hate you remember?"

Damon's smirk widened into a grin. "Hate you too, Judgy."


End file.
